Clouds don't fall

Been a few months since I'm feeling this way. Not sure I understand why,  Not sure if I should be feeling this at all. For days I wonder who I am, Lose track and jump ahead to who I wanna be. Funny how I crawl back to who I was.  Few hours pass by when I'm happy, proud. Talking to most of you, dancing in my head. Next one, man I'm just tired.  Tired, not of you but me.  Is it possible to not be me? Can I see me as you? Would I like me? Do you? And then I remember, it doesn't really matter. I sway along these thoughts and questions,  Worthless moments are suddenly all I'm thinking about.  I change myself too soon, so much I fail to recognise me.  It's then, that I question again.  Who am I? Whom do I wanna be? "Who I was" is what I'm staring at again. I've lost count.

Like a page I keep coming back to It's like a turn I'm used to. I open it everytime and re-read it like it's new, Drive around it and feel differently. More vulnerable than before, A little more carefree.  The words sound different than yesterday, The roads seem wider. I close and open it again, I have been driving around for a while. There are no surprises, just some words I missed. There are no red lights, but I keep stopping. Maybe I'm just comfortable, Or not at all.

By now I know it's not really me Or what I thought to be me. Or even my shadow, Wasn't the one that followed. I can see what I really am. It's far ahead, but close enough to see I'm going towards it, following a path. Climbing towards another shadow. I'm not sure if that's what it is Or I'm maybe just worried  Will it be me, even with every stair I climb? Will I still have what I once was, Or I'm just gonna leave it behind?

I thought it was where I used to be So I moved away, distanced myself. Hoped it would leave me alone, or less so But I feel it still, where I am. You wouldn't see it, even if I led you there. You won't see me seeing it, I'd be holding it close. It's always been for me to feel, It's always been a part of me. To run away, was to bring it along. To let it be, is to let me astray. I see this now, clearer than ever. Or am I just staring into the mist,  Walking into the maze I just got out of?

It's gonna take alot of me To be out there and stay It's not fear, just me in my head. It takes alot of me to pull through  To want to stop and tune in I've been a listener,  I have been listening to my mind It's never not speaking. Most of us are that way,  Not all of us escape it all, not all of us try. I have been all in It's will take all of me To dive back into it, come out again. Probably gonna be worth it though Hell, my mind's just spinning again.

I have been like this all along Been the person who will look for a change All this time, I changed people around me Changed the music I listened to Changed what I ate, what I wore Changed my love and where it goes. But now I'm stagnant and bored I'm not what I was.  don't want to be what I am. I like me, how I change. I reckon it's an escape,  Some way to get past all my experiences. But is it wrong? Is it hypocrisy? To embrace energies I haven't yet, To speak of things that you've not heard from me. Are my values at stake?  Are you going to feel differently about me? I'm the same soul still The same energy. Just a little more free, Less held back And in need of more fresh air.